Easy – But Effective – Ways to Boost Your Teen’s Self Esteem

asian_girl_wmirrorHowever long ago it was that you were a teenager, you are likely to remember that it wasn’t the easiest time in your life. Weird physical and emotional changes, a rotating set of new friends, the pressure of school, exams and beginning to figure out just what they might want to do with their lives, as well as beginning to explore the strange new world of dating and relationships all make the teenage years treacherous, if exciting, to navigate.

All of these things can also contribute to a problem with self-esteem, even in youngsters who were, when they were younger, rather confident souls. Fears over the changing way they look, especially when they compare themselves to their peers, of not doing well enough in school or of never living up to their parent’s expectations or finding a boyfriend/girlfriend like their other friends seem to have done so easily.

Because self-esteem is so crucial to success in almost every aspect of adult life, from personal relationships to the world of work, one of the biggest boosts a teen struggling with theirs can get is a boost from their parents. But how can you, as a parent, go about helping to build (or rebuild) your child’s self-esteem effectively? Here are some basic pointers to get you started:

Set Rules and Boundaries

Teens still need rules and boundaries and they need to be enforced by you. You can make a positive of these rules though. For example, say you want to enforce a 9pm curfew on weeknights. Explain to your teen that it’s not only to make sure that they get home safe and get a good night’s sleep but it’s so you and the rest of the family can rest easy too, not having to worry about where they are. By framing a rule in a positive manner like this your teen is likely to feel rather valued (wow, they still worry that much?) and that’s a nice little boost for anyone’s self-esteem.

Make Praise a Daily Practice

It’s all too easy to focus on your frustrations – and your conversations with them – on what your teen is doing wrong (the messy bedroom, the apparent inability to was a dish or put clothes in a laundry basket) and forget that they also do a lot of things right and that recognizing and acknowledging that, and doing so on a regular (i.e. daily) basis can provide a huge and ongoing lift for any child’s self-esteem. Even praising little things – the fact that they improved by 10% on a recent test over the last one, even though they didn’t get full marks, or that they patiently spent all morning watching a younger sibling so you could get some errands done – will have a bigger positive effect than you might ever imagine, so it’s a habit you should develop and make a daily thing.

Criticize, But Constructively

Your criticism can be helpful for your teen, but only if it is presented in a constructive and non-confrontational way. For example, let’s say that your daughter does particularly badly on a test at school. Rather than saying something like’ well, you would have done better if you studied harder’ or worse still ‘I don’t get why you are so bad at Maths when your brother is so good’ find a way to get your point across without negativity.

In this scenario for example, addressing the bad test score by saying something like ‘maybe a little more study time would be good, is there a way I can help?’ or ‘you know, your brother is rather good at this stuff, shall we have him go over it with you?’ is much better than shouting your disappointment or belittling your child’s efforts.

Accept and Encourage Their Individual Talents and Interests

Every parent has expectations and wishes for their child’s future from the day they were born. Often these include how they would like to see them develop, so if Dad’s a keen golfer but then Junior turns out to be rather hostile to the idea of spending time on the links but does love to be on basketball court it can be a little disappointing. The same is true of a child whose parents were hoping that their offspring would become a teacher or a lawyer who then turns out to have a burning passion to become an artist.

Rather than trying to dissuade a child from their interests and passions encourage them, even if they are not in line with what you had hoped, or had in mind for them. If you don’t know too much about them make a point of asking your child to help you learn and do your best to encourage them all the way.

Have you ever noticed just how often successful people in all walks of life, from bank presidents and politicians to film stars and sports greats, attribute much of their success to having supportive parents? Your support and encouragement really is one of the biggest gifts you can give your child and they are likely to be all the more successful because of it.

Some of the struggles they will face in their teen years your child will have to face alone but if they know they have supportive, loving parents who are behind them all the way they should also have the strength and positive self-esteem they need to face them head on.